Damnation
by LukesDragon
Summary: Blackwargreymon struggles to come to terms with the darkness inside him and find his place in life
1. Hollow Tears

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"Damnation" by Luke's Dragon

Disclaimer

Digimon isn't mine, Blackwargreymon isn't mine either, although I would be kinda cool if he was. The little epigraphs at the head of this and the other chapters come from all sorts of places, apart from the ones I made up since I couldn't find anything suitable but never mind minor details like that.

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A/N 

My first non-romance Digimon fic (A Hopeless Case…?) was so much fun to write, and I received quite a few positive comments that I was inspired to write a second fic about the superb Blackwargreymon. This is a sort of follow up to "A Hopeless Case…?" but it isn't at all necessary to have read that already.

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Chapter I "Hollow Tears"

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"The World will not end in darkness, but in the blinding light of his new dawn" 

From The Book of Vié 

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They say that to cry is a very human thing to do, indeed no other living creatures are able to do it. I wonder if perhaps it is because humans have more pain in their lives than other creatures, but I don't believe that is true. Perhaps in their conceited self-important way they believe they do, but I know this not to be true every living thing feels pain and sadness but do not cry. Maybe it is because humans have something the rest of us do not have, the thing I have hunted for, for so long, a heart. I have spent what seems like a eternity searching for my heart and wonder if it is this which enables humans to cry and if this is the case I feel regret, for it is something a monster of darkness such as me will never possess.

There have been times when I have felt regret for my actions or a feeling of sadness when I have witnessed some of the events that have taken place lately but no tears have fallen. It is not that I fear being thought of as weak as many humans do who hold back tears, but I just cannot. I wish I knew if it were a physical lack or a spiritual one I hope it is the later for if I could find my heart I would wish that all my problems would be solved in one fell swoop. Somehow I don't think life could ever be quite so simple.

These past few weeks I have seen so much destruction and it seems as if the world is falling to pieces I wonder if some of the chaos is my fault. Certainly I have ended as many lives as any other in this world has, although I have not killed for a while. Strange, a creature such as myself should refuse to end a life but that is the vow I have made to myself. The vow, I wonder if it was me who made it, or my voices still I suppose it doesn't matter. What does matter is I will not kill a living creature unless not doing so would cause my destruction, why do I do this? It seems to be the only way to stave off the darkness inside of me. The other creatures formed from the control spires do not live, if I encounter one I destroy it without a second thought, they are no different to a machine inanimate and without feelings merely created to destroy things which possess the very qualities they themselves lack. They do not have any desires and no needs either; similarly I share their same powers of needing no food or sleep, helpful skills indeed at this time. Unlike them however I have wishes for the whole world and myself too, strange coming from a creature like me but what I desire most in this world is a world of peace. Perhaps it is because I see so much of myself in them that I hate them so, they are what I would have been if it was not for the fact that I am cursed with all these emotions which torment me so.

Torment, yes that is the word for it, sometimes I wish I did not have all these emotions running around inside of me. If I were like the rest of those creatures then I would perhaps have some sort of peace, at times this is all I want when it all seems too much. There are times when it would be the easiest thing just to surrender to the darkness I know is in the depths of my soul, but I cannot. Sometimes I find myself longing for death so that my head is quieted of all those infernal voices. Ah yes, the voices, those detestable opinionated voices that torture my very existence. I think they might be the voices of those I have slain in the past, although that damnable human boy said that they called it 'conscious'. 

Pah! A pathetic weak idea regardless of what causes it, it is just weak thinking just like my wanting to give up. I must find and fulfil my own destiny, no voices, no others and no 'consciousness' should have the strength to deter me from my course and yet I find myself listening to them far more than I used to do.

I suppose I listen to the voices because I know I have done them so much wrong in the past. Before I made my vow I would slay anything that crossed my path, now I cannot end the life of a living creature unless the situation would cost me my own existence if I did not, but I digress. Not too long ago I encountered a village of Digimon, small weak creatures the type I cannot recall, though I suppose I should, I slaughtered the entire village even though they were no challenge or threat to me just because for a second I let my darkness overcome me. An entire township destroyed all their hopes and dreams wiped from the face of existence because I lost control. Maybe that is slightly inaccurate it wasn't _I _who did it, when I lose myself to the darkness there is no I anymore, no emotions not even blind rage or hatred just a destructive force. What frightens me most is when I lose control I cannot get it back, I have to wait for it to leave on its own accord, like an alcoholic waiting for his hang-over to wear off so as he can drink again. Someday I know that I will not be able to come back and I will be no more than a monster.

Do I wander this world fighting those soulless husks that are my brethren to try and make amends for my crimes or to try and make amends for my accursed existence itself? 

It is hard sometimes, always fighting a battle against myself, keeping the dark, destructive side of myself in check so much so I wonder what the real me is like. I hope he is something more than an avatar of destruction, I hope he is so much different to what I am right now. . . Foolish talk, the real me is the darkness inside, it is only by suppressing it every second of the day that it does not break free and lay waste to this doomed world. Yes doomed, even with the efforts of those calling themselves the Digi-destined this world is like a dream, bound to wake on day. Ours is a shadow of the world of humans and it seems clear that they are unable to keep their dark sides in check, when they destroy their world, as I know they will ours will die also. When it happens they will not care, to them our lives are like a failing television show, axed without a thought for the few people left who care about it. Apocalyptic I know, but I am just pleased that I will not be around to see it.

As one of those holier-than-thou vaccine types once said to me 'your dark days are numbered' I killed him too of course, now his is yet another of those thrice accursed voices those that torment me so. Perhaps it is all the souls of the ' lawful and good' that have invaded my head that force me to do such crazy things. They make me fight the control spire monsters, protect the weak and ravage my sleep with dreams of darkness inside of me. And the questions, so many questions that I seek the answers to before my time is up; most importantly I want to know why my existence has come to be, why I am here in this world. I know my purpose is not the senseless destruction that once fuelled my life, and the things that stand out most in the tangled mess that makes up my mind are those conversations with other creatures. The one who called himself Agumon who seems to be my reflection, my reverse, he reminds me of what I could have been if only I had been born rather than made. I feel a vague sense of jealousy that he has companions, no that's no the word he used, 'friends' is what he termed them. Friendship? It is just another one of the many words I do not quite understand although sometimes in a moment of weakness I wish I did. I wish that I had the drive and companionship that they all have, maybe that's why I can't destroy them although all my fighters instincts tell me that I should, that they will be the death of me. I don't care though, it's not me giving up or feeling suicidal or anything like that it's just… What am I going on about, those voices are getting to me again, those fools mean nothing to me, I don't need any weaklings like them or any of their self-righteous heroism. I am not about to become the savior of this damned world of pain; all I care about is myself, my destiny, my purpose, and my fate. Shut up, shut up, shut up! Stay out of my head stop telling me I'm wrong. I never asked for a heart and some damn conscious telling me to protect this village, save that creature. No I did ask for this, once upon a time I wanted this to be more than a monster and now I've got it. 

Guess I should be more careful about what I wish for.

But I don't regret it, not really I've had the chance to wonder about so many things, and although it's hard sometimes I still want to know where am I going with this life. And there is more, why do I seek to protect such weak fleeting things such as the life of a flower but can't find it in myself to care about the big things like the fate of this world or me. There are still many questions I want to learn the answers to before I end my days. I wonder, is it peace and the light that I seek for myself, some sort of resolution to my condemned existence. Or is it the darkness that I have fought so hard against that I really seek and the peace of death, my just retribution for my crimes. There is also that other word I would like to understand, 'love' it seems such an important word to the Digi-destined. It seems to be a bond between them and their partners and seems to come in many different types, the bond between the group, between one child and his partner and the closer one between one or two individuals. It gives them such power and courage but so much more it seems to give them a reason for what they do, the boy with ridiculous headgear who would give his life for a former enemy. Am I weak to want something like that for me? Not even something so great but maybe since I cannot cry myself I would like someone to shed a tear at the end of my life. ... Life? Hah, that's the first time I've called this state of being that term. I wonder do tears mean that I have a life and not just an existence, if I do, and I truly hope I do then it seems my way has become a little clearer now.

__

The heavily armored figure turned and walked away, leaving behind him the wreckage of another control spire and a few piles of ash to mark the passing of more of the creatures they spawned. He did not mark the event with any ceremony but just walked on to the next battle still wondering about the idea of love as he left. Almost unnoticed a solitary drop of water fell from his right eye but it was another thing he did not understand and even if he had felt it he would have put it down to having got some dust stuck there.


	2. Heart and Soul

"Damnation" By Luke's Dragon  
  
Disclaimer  
  
Not mine, wish it was but it isn't so there. All I own is my imagination and my PC.  
  
A/N  
  
It's been a while coming but Chapter II is finally up, I'll try and be a little quicker writing and posting the next installment, since I've done my ankle in playing for my soccer team last night I won't have much else to do for a while.  
  
  
  
Chapter II Heart and Soul  
  
"You can run from your pain, but know this you will tire long before it does"  
  
from Kou Sa Sun "Soul of the Warrior"  
  
These past few days have confused me more than ever and I blame that group calling themselves the Digi-Destined for my tangled state of mind. I encountered them earlier today engaged in battle with a horde of those control spire monstrosities, being led by that hated spider woman whose foolhardy dark magiks created me in the first place. Maybe it was because of that, or maybe because I couldn't stand to see them slaughtered that I joined in. The minions although being of the Ultimate level were little challenge for me and my powers, but sadly their leader managed to escape the carnage, although I hope not unscathed. I would have gladly left without a word but it was not to be.  
  
It was once again the bearer of the crest of hope who stopped me from leaving as swiftly as I had arrived. Despite the protests of his companions that I was a danger the two of us walked a short distance from his group and talked at length. I must admit to being impressed by his courage and his insight. We spoke about a great many things, the state of the Digital world, the nature of evil, apparently there is darkness growing over the world that threatens it. It is something they are fighting and it is what is responsible for Arukenimon and all her creations myself included but I digress, he wanted me to join their side and fight along side them, much as I was intrigued by the prospect I could not. I fear losing myself to the darkness so much more when I am fighting and I would not want to endanger living creatures that have the same goal as me. Or is that just a feeble excuse? Little matter I suppose, the most poignant thing was that he thanked me, I believe it may be the first time such a thing has happened, and then we parted ways he returned back to his friends and I left back to the world of my solitary darkness.  
  
I cannot escape his words; still they are racing around in my head. What is this greater darkness that he mentioned? I wonder if perhaps this would prove a challenge for me, or perhaps have some answers to all of my questions. Somehow I doubt it besides evil geniuses tend to be very poor at conversation. But there is more I cannot stop thinking about his offer to join forces I still wish that it were an option to consider but while I cannot control my powers, or myself I will not put them at risk. I wish I could but I cannot rely on myself until I conquer the darkness inside, and to do that I need to know who I am, whether I am, like the spider-woman says, nothing more than a control spire monster. It troubles me to think this could well be the case, I am a monster albeit an intelligent one who is tormented by maddening voices but little more than that. Or am I, like the child of hope said more than that, an individual. I wish I could understand my heart and my destiny.  
  
And now the voices come back to me tearing my mind apart.  
  
You have no heart  
  
You are a monster Beast of darkness, destroyer of the light! You are the reason for all of your pain You have killed many innocent souls; you will suffer for all eternity Evil one, you do not deserve to live As if the child of hope would care for you Feelings of anger, fury, frenzy, now feel my rage!  
  
And the darkness takes me. Lost in my own mind to my dreams of blood and destruction. Sounds of pain, screams of fear. I watch myself like a passenger on a runaway train. I am helpless now and nothing but a spectator as my own form rips through all those that dare cross my path. Strange but I feel nothing now as they try to stop me. A group of souls fighting to defend their homes and loved ones but they cannot stop me. No one can stop me. My claws, my power and they scream and they curse but it is in vain, like their resistance and their lives. Like so many birds scattered by a gunshot their souls fly free from their destroyed forms. So many lives, dreams opportunities and potential lost forever on the wind. I feel nothing a like spectator to a gruesome movie scene, the horror lost believing in my shattered mind that it is not real, thinking that it is not me who does these deeds but just an actor playing my role. It doesn't hurt and I don't feel a thing now but I know I will when I come down, all this will be on my soul but not now. Still lost in the passionate embrace of the darkness there are no victims left, another village gone, reduced to nothingness by my hand but still the darkness searches for another victim. And so it finds me hiding like a child. Cowering in a hidden corner of my mind it finds me, trying to conceal myself but it has found me and will attack. This time it will claim me, this time there will be no more me just my shell, a soulless, heartless husk wandering around in a stupor of chaos. It is almost upon me know, but I hear his words. "I believe in you". And the darkness is gone, blasted away by the light of hope but I know it will return and next time I will fall. And then I come down.  
  
The next morning Takeru and his partner Patamon, whilst on a routine patrol before school, came across the scene of destruction. The child of Hope sighed and constructed a memorial to the souls of the departed. He made Patamon promise not to breathe a word of what happened to any of the others. That evening he blamed the carnage on a pack of wild Digimon working for Arukenimon. Not even Ken, who was after all a genius ever figured out that he was lying.  
  
  
  
It is three days since my last rampage. And I am haunted still, and deservedly so. I let the voices overcome my senses and lost myself. I feel guilt and sorrow, two emotions I am starting to get used to feeling. I do not understand why the voices incited me into my rage, they are the ones who make me do 'good' deeds and protect, but last time they provoked me knowing full well what would happen. But I should not blame them; it was my own weakness that led to my fall. Now my quest for answers has led me to this, a hut in the middle of a lake, apparently a sage of sorts lives here and I have been told that he may possess the answers I so desperately seek.  
  
Blackwargreymon had found himself in the home of the Digimon known as Jijimon, he was well known for his knowledge and insight. Blackwargreymon had hoped that maybe this creature could provide him with some sort of insight into his purpose in life. Failing that knowing whom the Darkness Takeru had mentioned was would at least give him a valid target. But it was not to be Jijimon told Blackwargreymon that he could not tell him his purpose in life. He was not a 'true' Digimon so there was nothing he could do to help him. Blackwargreymon was about to leave when Jijimon told him that it was actually a blessing, since it meant he could create his own destiny.  
  
Not a 'true' Digimon.Then the spider woman was right all along. I am little more than a monster. Created by the darkness as a tool for destruction and chaos. I always hoped it was not real but now it seems as if all this time I have been living a lie and all my struggles to fight the darkness have been in vain. I wish I had never met that blasted savant, at least before I could have lived in the safety of my invented self, hoping and praying that I am a real living soul. All of those words don't mean a damned thing to me anymore. Damned.I am a damned creature a soulless husk without a destiny and without a heart the two most important things that once made up who I was. Lost and alone I feel my soul crack and the darkness begin to take over me. And for the first time I can ever recall I start to cry.  
  
Now I feel more confused than ever before. I no longer believe I have a heart, perhaps because that organ is one possessed by the living, and is almost inescapably linked with the emotion called 'love' something which is denied to a monster like me. A monster, no I am not even that, just a creation of a spell. Little more than some conjuror's cantrip. But I still have my hope because of him and that phrase he said, now what was it?  
  
Heart and soul.maybe I do not have a heart but I might have a soul. Some sort of eternal essence that sums up all that is good in me. Perhaps it is my soul and not the voices that have made me do so many good deeds. Maybe my soul is the force that is driving me on. Everyone I've spoken to has a different idea about what a soul is and I like that, maybe my soul as tarnished and false as it is can still be real. I do hope so I wish with all my heart, or soul or whatever these emotions are created by, whatever it may happen to be termed that before I die I can use my life to make some impact and maybe save this doomed world. 


	3. Ascencion

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"Damnation" By Luke's Dragon

Disclaimer

Still not mine, still trying to change this, still failing to purchase major companies.

A/N

Not got much to say really, just like doing the little author notes sections. As mentioned one of the epigraphs for this chapter is from the fantastic (IMO) Linkin Park. In case you didn't guess the book Blackwargreymon mentions is "The Wizard of Oz" yeah I know he's wrong about a few things but then again he's not much of a literary buff. How did the "The Wizard of Oz" get into the digital word you ask?

…Er…Cody must have dropped it, yeah that sound about right.

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Chapter III "Ascension"

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"_The sun goes down, I feel the light betray me" _

From "Paper Cut" by Linkin Park

"_Since I cannot stop Death, I choose to stop life_"

Kaervek

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A soul. It seems to be such a simple, intangible thing but knowing that I have one has given me the strength to go on, to continue my lonely wandering through this world. It seems as if I have needed all my strength lately, not merely physical strength I can still best any creature I come across with ease, but the strength to resist my darkness and stay myself.

Myself...? Pah! I am little more than a monster; nothing inside apart from this 'soul' I pretend to myself that I have. What a foolish thought, that I could ever be anything more than a tool of destruction and pain, and yet. 

...And yet I cannot find it in myself to just give up, serve the spider woman and bring about more pain and suffering into this world, still I find myself fighting to protect a world which I, so clearly was never supposed to be a part of.

I still cannot find what I am looking for, perhaps because I never knew myself what it was that I was after. I started off looking for a heart and a reason for existing, like in that book where a lion, a robot and some sort of farmyard creature go looking for a heart and some other internal organs. I think that there might have been a girl, a kitten and a road made from yellow stones as well. I suppose it doesn't really matter what color the stones were the point was they found they had all of the things they were looking for inside them all along.

I on the other hand found that I do not. What I do have though, if that lunatic sage is to be believed, is a chance. I have a chance to make my own destiny, to walk my own path and perhaps to save this light forsaken world of darkness and loneliness.

But it seems such a great responsibility, how should I know what path to take and what it is that I should do? My 'soul' and all my voices seem strangely muted on the issue, perhaps it is something of a blessing that I have a little peace but I would dearly love some guidance, someone to tell me just what I am supposed to do.

It's not even a case of simply choosing a path to walk, it feels like I'm in a thick forest without a compass and need to get out. The only way though is to hack my way through dark trees that I cannot see through, I don't know how to get out, or what I might encounter along the way, I just need to escape from the darkness before it crushes me.

I suppose that one would call it a dream, a phantasmic vision that fills my mind. I do not sleep, one advantage of not being real I suppose, but whenever I am not doing something these visions fill my head, either them or the voices.

Since the last time they made me loose myself they have been disturbingly silent, and on the odd occasion that they have spoken to me a new voice has seemed to be keeping them in check. Perhaps it is my soul, whatever the case maybe I am glad that I only need to worry about external demons and not internal ones as well. I just wish that I had some sort of purpose a goal to follow so that I have a reason. Actually there is a cause I could follow, I could take that kid, the one who only had a few letters rather than a real name up on his offer to fight alongside them. One might imagine that their group would be tough to find, but they always seem to be right in the thick of the action, and that's just where I'm going to go to.

__

Things were looking bleak for the Digi-Destined, Kari and Yolie had not made the trip due to other concerns, leaving just Cody, Davis and TK. Davis had been too busy complaining about Kari rather doing homework than coming with him. He had still been complaining when a group of at least ten Ultimate level Digimon, led by Mummymon had ambushed them. The battle had gone very badly, a near by control spire had prevented any Digivolving, and when Flamedramon and Digmon had been taken out, leaving just Patamon active things were looking bleak.

"So TC any bright plans?"  
"If we're going to die at least get my name right"

Just then the sky was torn asunder, a black armored figure exploded onto the battle field, leaping into the sky he focused all his energy, with a cry of "Terra Destroyer!" the world turned bright white. TK felt a sensation of roaring heat wash over him, and could have sworn that he saw their opponents glow briefly before exploding and imploding all at once, then in less than a heartbeat they were reduced to a pile of dust. The armored figure turned to stare at them TK felt Davis grab his arm, but he felt no fear himself. The creature smiled, TK was struck with the impression that this was something that Blackwargreymon had not had much practice at. With that their savior leapt into the air and pursued after the fleeing Mummymon.

The thrill of it all! Such exhilaration, I truly feel alive for the very first time! Flying through the skies, cutting through this doomed world and knowing that there is more. More than the endless cycle of tedium of loneliness and the mindless destruction that used to fill my days. Now I have a purpose and now I'm closing in on the car driven by my target, he races along a quiet desert highway but he cannot out pace me. I wish it was his companion but I'll strike a small blow for whatever cause I'm fighting for. This is the easiest technique, all I need to do is focus all my rage, concentrate on the feelings that I want to destroy everything. I want to destroy that fool down there, but more than that what I really want to destroy is the darkness. The darkness that threatens this world, the darkness that threatens to wipe out the light, the darkness that threatens to take me. 

"Terra Destroyer!" But it doesn't connect, he doesn't dodge the attack, no one could ever dodge or block the power of my rage given form. He just sort of vanished into a cloud of mist, a white mist that seems to be closing in on me, wrapping me up in light. Blinding light, what was it TK told me once, 'Those who fear the darkness have never seen the light" or something like that. It burns into my body, blasting away all my illusions that I could ever be anything good, that I could ever bask in the glory of the light.

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"How could you be so foolish you are darkness"

"Purpose? You exist to destroy"

The voices! Right back in my head, the second that I let my guard down the come screaming back into my mind, like a meteor slamming into a planet and just about as destructive, and I am grateful that there is no one around to feel the force of my anger. Lost in the pain of the blinding light I pass out with the words of the voice I call my soul echoing around my head.

"_Live your own destiny, or die trying_"

  
~~~

And I awake in a strange world, when I blacked out I was in a desert in the Digital World, now I seem to be in some sort of room, filled with computers, though larger than the one the Digi-Destined carry around. And there are tables and chairs designed for people far smaller than I am. Strange but the air feels different, heavier somehow. It's almost as if I am in a different world. My voices seem to feel the same too; I can sense them hiding, sheltering in the back of my mind, scared by this strange place. There seems to be no way out of this place, unless. . .

__

Attracted by the news Kari ran into the computer room, she took one look then sprinted back to the library to tell Yolie what had happened. Shortly afterward Mr. Hyuga the caretaker went to lock up. He dropped his coffee when he saw that an eight-foot section of wall had been torn away from the building. It looked as if a creature with massive claws had done it. Shaking his head and going to fetch a broom he marveled at how far kids pranks had come since he was at high school.


	4. Penance

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"Damnation" By Luke's Dragon

  
A/N

  
I've really enjoyed writing this fic, but it's sort of come to its natural end and much as I love Blackwargreymon it just doesn't seem right to make him all sweetness and light and give him a happy ending without getting hideously OOC.

BTW I want to thank everyone who has either read or reviewed this fic, I think it's about the most reviews I've ever got and that's really nice since I like this fic, so thank you again to everyone.

Anyway I've re-written history a little in terms of the series, nothing major but I didn't want to stick faithfully to the events of the series.

Disclaimer

*Yawns at the prospect of doing yet another disclaimer* 

It isn't mine, it probably never will be, and yet I still have to write a disclaimer every time, seems a bit stupid doesn't it?

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Chapter IV- Penance

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The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what we do with the gift of life that makes us who we are – Mewtwo

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Better to light a candle than to curse the Darkness – Lao Tse

~~~

It is possible I am lost, not just wandering aimlessly through some part of the Digital World I have never been to before lost, but absolutely, totally, no idea where I am lost. I'm fairly sure that somehow when that white mist swallowed me I was transported to the world of humans, and now I have no idea where I am or what I am supposed to do next. I always wanted to make my own destiny, and once again I find that I really should be more careful about what I wish for.

Now here I am walking through this city of men, and strangely enough it looks as if the world has already ended here. The silence is almost tangible and the air seems thick with an overwhelming sense of isolation and loneliness. Of course it is not the first time I have ever felt alone, for so long I have wandered the world aimlessly and always by myself but there is just something about this place that seems to bite at my very soul.

I think what makes this city so sad is the fact that it looks as if there was some sort of party or celebration recently, I can just imagine these empty streets being filled with people, with happiness, hope and life.

Now there is just the debris of what used to be bottles lay smashed against the walls, the last dregs of their contents seeping away like blood. Discarded fast food wrappers dance around my feet, reanimated from death by the cold breeze, causing them to move once more, even after they are discarded and forgotten. Here and there bunting still flaps around, pretending that the party is still going on, whilst on the floor the carcasses of balloons litter the ground like slaughtered soldiers on a battlefield.

It really does seem as if the world ended and they had a party to celebrate the fact.

I am totally alone in this strange world; every now and then I see a human walking around in a stupor as though he had been bewitched by the sadness of the place. Whatever caused these souls to be in such an inebriated state of mind must be powerful in the extreme, as it causes them to either shout some incoherent words at me, perhaps mistaking me for one of them. Stranger still some are so far out of their minds that they ignore a black armored Mega level Digimon walking right past them, ignoring me as if I wasn't even there, like I was some insubstantial ghost floating in a different plane of reality.

The night is dark, the street lamps seem to create more shadows than light, or perhaps I just see the darkness more than the light. One light I cannot escape however is the moon staring down on me like a monster from the skies watching my every move. It is a strange moon tonight, not quite full, but too full to be a proper shape, I cannot shake the feeling that it looks like a huge white eye watching me, knowing that I am a stranger in the world it watches. It is so different to the moon back in the Digital World, back home I never paid any attention to a rock floating far above my head, maybe I should have paid a little more heed to it. How stupid is this, getting all worked up about the moon?

No, I suppose it is home that I miss, bizarre really that I, who was created to destroy the world, who attempted to destroy the destiny stones, who once believed it was my purpose to bring death and destruction to the world should now call it home.

Now I miss my world, my home and all I want to do is protect it, regardless of the cost. I don't know why I feel like this, from what I've heard all my world is made up from is data, a shadow of the world of men, maybe that's why I feel I want to protect it. I am just a shadow of Wargreymon, as my very name suggests I am just the shadow of that holier-than-thou imbecile. And yet we both seem to have the same goal, we both want to defend our home…I just wish I could see it again, but I cannot shake the feeling I won't be going home ever again.

As I walk ever onwards I come across a truly strange sight, an elderly human in torn, mucky clothing stands shouting about how the end is coming and the time for redemption is now. The prophet is quite obviously mad, no amount of prayers will protect you from evil, and I find it difficult to believe that there is some divine being influencing my destiny. He seems to believe that words and emotions will save you, foolish if you are to find any sort of peace or redemption then it is down to yourself. Still I must admire the courage of the man, I stood in the shadows watching him and he must have noticed me there, he walked towards me and gave me a pamphlet, then he noticed me and ran into the night. A shame really since I would have liked to have questioned him about some of his ideas. He got me thinking though, about how there is something incredibly noble about giving your life to your chosen cause, noble or perhaps stupid. I'm sure that ragged old man could find another cause to dedicate himself to in the blink of an eye, but would he be prepared to give away his life for his beliefs? I doubt it somehow. But perhaps he was totally wrong, I do not believe that there is some huge cosmic picture and reason, all that matters is me. My destiny, my life that is what is important, not trying to appease some cosmic being, maybe if my life can make some impact to this world then that is worth something. 

Now I can feel a strong presence, a powerful evil force not too far away, since there seems to be nothing else to do I might as well go and investigate. I turn a corner only to be confronted by the Digi-Destined, Wargreymon and Imperaldramon. They are facing off against Mummymon and Arukenimon and this time there will be no escape for them. They may have been responsible for creating me, but they do not control me and they can never influence my destiny, but I blame them for my existence. Not that I hate existing but I hate them, I hate everything they have done. They don't see me, they are too busy taunting the Digi-destined, they do not see my rage building to a peak, and they do not see me taking aim right at them. And even if they see the pure energy I create in the form of my Terra Destroyer attack, it is far too late for them, in a second they are just dust, blown away on the wind.

The boy with the huge hairstyle appears to be angry with me; I am not entirely sure why since that duo of villains were enemies to them too. He is shouting about how they had a chance of redemption, again that word 'redemption'. I am not sure that I like the idea of regretting what I have done. The boy is loud, self-righteous and weak, I turn to leave but his partner, the one who is almost my mirror image, Wargreymon, blocks, my path. I have no option but to fight, perhaps I do have an option, but I want to test myself against him, to prove to myself who is the stronger of the two of us.

We catch hold of each other's claws, locked together in some sort of dance, looking like armored Siamese twins. He is strong, almost as strong as me, but not strong enough, digging my feet into the dusty ground I start to push him back, trying to get him to lower his guard enough for me to unleash one of my special attacks. Even as I push him back, every second moving his arms further away from the vulnerable areas of his chest and neck I hear the others shouting for us to stop. Weak fools! In the past, when I gave in to my darker desires I had people screaming at me for mercy, they found none, and nor will my adversary. He seems to be more affected by the pleas of the children, so much so that he lets his guard down just for the briefest of seconds. It is all the chance I need as I manage to connect with my Dragon Crusher attack, a wave of black light bursts from my claws causing my opponent to stagger backwards, damaged and off balance. Focusing I leap forwards, spinning into my adversary with my Black Tornado attack, drilling into his chest I hear him gasp as the air is driven out of him. Taking my chance I grab him, hands locked around his waist, I suplex him like some amateur wrestler and he goes sprawling backwards towards his friends. 

I can see that Imperaldramon is just itching to get involved, but the child of hope and the youngest Digi-Destined are both holding him back. I wonder why the two of them do not treat me with as much contempt as the rest. I make a mistake, I take my attention away from the fight and in return I get myself slammed by my opponent's Mega Claw attack. Idiot that I am to drop my guard! Letting myself give in to the darkness inside I attack with all my rage, unleashing a fury of blows, punches and kicks find their mark. Then another throw and my opponent is down, I let my rage peak again, about to fire my ultimate attack and finish this rivalry once and for all, I attempt to unleash my Terra Destroyer, but I never get the chance.

Imperaldramon, obviously seeing what I am planning to do hits me with a blast of pure energy, usually I would be able to block such a move but my guard is down and the blow slams itself right into my chest. Pain, I feel blood trickling down my chest, still in a rage I leap into the air, my speed is too much for either of my foes and this time no counter attack stops me. In a moment there is a blue and an orange lizard looking rather sorry for themselves. I pulled the blow, if I had not then they would be reduced to dust too, but I could not bring myself to do it. The lie I tell myself is that they were valiant and worthy enemies

Panting from the duel I see out of the corner of my eye two old men who I had not played any attention to before. They appeared to be so engaged in an argument that they had hardly even noticed the battle between three of the most powerful creatures in existence. I on the other hand could hardly fail to notice the after effects of the duel. Imperaldramon's attack had landed heavily, hitting me square in the chest and doing vast amounts of damage, although by its self not a life threatening injury it was certainly going to mean that any further battles were going to be tough.

On of the men pushed the other to the floor and advanced to where the Digi-destined and myself were standing, according to the blue haired child who gasped the word with a degree of terror in his voice this man's name was Oikawa.

Laughing like a mad man he proceeded to describe some sort of plan about 'Dark Spores' and opening a gate to the world of evil. For a brief moment I wondered if this man might be a worthy opponent, but all he seemed to be was some crackpot sorcerer with delusions of grandeur. I was growing tired of his cackling and was about to walk away when he addressed me.

"Servant, destroy these children" Servant? Who does this guy think he is?

"Servant, I am your creator, do as I command" Creator? This guy is a total lunatic. Walking up to him I lift him off the ground with ease, for all his bravado he is just a weak old man. Growling I drop him to the ground as a warning not to annoy me further with all his stupid words.

"Very well, if you will not help me, I will destroy you too! I summon the Dark Vortex!"

With a sound like a thousand crashes of thunder all happening at once the sky was torn asunder. The sky once illuminated by the moon and the faint glow of the street lamps was now lit up by the sight of a heaving mass of darkness which seemed to dominate the entire night sky. I have heard that black is not really a color, more an absence of any color what so ever, and this was certainly the case here. The vortex seemed to suck all the light out of the entire area, leaving just a mass of total darkness raging above our heads, occasionally a bolt of totally black energy flashed across it, if such a thing was possible it made total darkness even darker.

"Behold the power of the Dark Vortex! Now I will destroy the entire Digital World, nothing can stop it now. It is destiny!"

Destiny…surely this cannot be true, surely the destiny I have been searching for cannot be the total destruction of our world, surely there must be something that I can do to stop this. After all the old fool doesn't look so tough, a quick claw and he'll be no more, but I cannot move. Out of the corner of my eye I see that none of the Digimon belong to the Digi-destined can move either, the power of the vortex is holding us all paralyzed and useless.

The other old man has picked himself up now; he is trying to convince the man called Oikawa that he should close the power of the vortex, that it will destroy both worlds and everything in them. The Oikawa man does not seem to care, he tries to push the old man down again, but this time he is ready for the attack. It seems that the man who smells of prune juice is a martial artist and he is now attacking the sorcerer with a flurry of punches and kicks, every time a blow lands the vortex seems to shrink slightly. There is nothing I can do to help, I am still held like a fly in a spider's web unable to help. I am unable to protect my world, and then just as it seems 'our side' is starting to gain the upper hand Oikawa manages to knock his opponent off his feet and begins chanting some sort of spell. And then the voice of my soul frees me, and I can move again.

__

So you wanted to be more than a monster?

It all happened before I could think that damn freak Oikawa called down a sphere of total blackness from the void and hurled at the old man who smelt of prune juice. The youngest Digi-destined shouted something at his partner, but the yellow armadillo was still held fast by the darkness. Moving with cat-like reflexes however was the child of hope, as time seemed to slow to a crawl he stood in the path of the dark energy. He must have known he didn't have a chance, and it all happened so quickly that I didn't have time to think, only to react. The darkness slammed into my chest, I felt everything inside me erupt with pain, my armor absolutely no defense against it, as I dropped to my knees I would have sworn that I saw a look I had never seen before flash across the face of the boy called TK. I don't know quite what the term for it is, the feeling that you would happily throw your life away just to see someone smile, but I felt it as I slumped forwards, a blooded mess.

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Nothing can stop it now, it is destiny.

Destiny…?

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Only a soul filled with darkness

A soul…?

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Why can't I cry

I can now, at the very end

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…Love?

Life is a strange thing, just when you think you learn how to use it it's gone

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It is destiny

Destiny…my destiny is clear.

In the blink of an eye it all seems to be so clear now, all the rubbish about worlds, data and destiny fade into insignificance, all that matters is now, all that matters is that vortex of destruction, threatening this damned city and my own world all at once. Looking up into the swirling black maelstrom I'm sure I can see the rolling green hills of my home, or is it just a delusion brought on by my injuries? There is nothing there but darkness, blackness and evil, and I see myself reflected in the darkness. Everything I have ever been, all the evil deeds I have done are a part of it, but Okwia said it was made up of all the evil in the world. I guess this means that there must be a lot more souls like me than I thought since it seems to dominate the entire sky, still at least it is blocking out that accursed moon. 

No, I am not like the others; I have done evil deeds in the past, but not anymore. I have a soul, a soul and a destiny, and the power to change the world. Still bleeding heavily from the wound in my chest I flick out my wings, it is with a degree of pride that I see everyone look around at me. Ignoring the protests of the youngest Digi-Destined I take to the skies, flying in slow motion towards the darkness I gather up all the power in my soul, focusing all my energies for what will be the very last time. This time it is not my rage or my destructive powers that I concentrate. It is not even my hatred for the darkness, or my fear that I am about to die, I cannot do this with negative emotions, this has to be more, it has to be the power of light that I use. I focus the desire to protect my home, seeing in my mind the Primary Village, where things can start over, the beauty of my home that I will never see again. I focus on those children down there, all my hope, hope that there will be a tomorrow, in my mind I see the sun rising over this doomed world, a symbol of hope. Again a sight I shall never again lay my eyes upon. Burning with all the power about to burst out of me I focus my very soul, the thing I have been searching for as long as I can remember, the thing that got me into this mess, and the thing that will kill me. 

I have no regrets. 

All my power, all my soul is focused into this, my final attack, the ultimate technique I, or any Digimon can perform, I hit the void with everything, my attack, my body, my heart and my soul. For the briefest of spit seconds I see the darkness vanish in a blinding light, Oikawa crash to the floor, his evil dying along with the vortex.

And then there is silence, then there is peace and then my world turns white.


	5. Redemption

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Damnation by Luke's Dragon

Disclaimer

Blackwargreymon says we don't need to do a disclaimer this time, the past four chapters have had one and that should have been enough. He says any lawyers who might happen to be planning anything have to g through him first so there!

A/N since Blackwargreymon is a fictional character, unlike lawyers I'd better just say I don't own Digimon since he isn't really any protection.

A/N

* Blinks in surprise at the sheer amounts of reviews this fic has gotten *

Wow, what can I say but thanks to everyone who has taken the time and trouble to read and review this fic. To be honest I was planning to end on chapter IV since it seemed logical and in keeping (sort of) with the series, but since people have wanted more, and a happy ending then I've decided to continue. Dunno if I'll end it with this chapter, probably not but who knows what fate may have in store for BWG.

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Chapter V – Redemption

I am ready to meet my maker, whether my maker is ready for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter - Winston Churchill

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There's nothing worse than tryin' to bring yourself right back from the dead, so I advise you listen to that voice in the back of your head - Linkin Park Ppr:Kut (Reanimation)

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Brightness, all I can see in front of my eyes is white, the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the horizon all a brilliant, blinding shade of the purest white. Maybe that's not strictly accurate, there are no sides or floor here, it's like I'm floating but on something solid. It's a freakish sensation and not helped by the fact that all my senses seem to have gone into overdrive. I think I'm dead, I must be dead, reason being nothing should be able to stand the punishment I just took and still be alive. I certainly don't feel any pain which has to be a major improvement on my condition just a few moments ago . . . Moments, or was it hours, years or lifetimes ago? I don't seem to remember, all I remember is pain, then the light and then being here, wherever here might be.

Somehow I turn myself half circle and behind me the world is black, like the whiteness in front of me but the opposite, total soul destroying nothingness. If I thought the vortex thing that brought me here was black, it was nothing, a pitiful amateur in blackness compared to the total darkness I see now. It hurts every fiber of my being to stare at the blackness, although to be fair the light is equally disturbing in it's own way, so I turn ninety degrees so half my vision is black, the other half white. I don't know why it just seems right to me. Maybe it's a metaphor, apparently most things are if you look hard enough. I don't need to look that hard to know wherever I am, I'm probably in trouble.

I hope I'm not dead, as far as I'm aware you either go to some place where everything is happiness, and you have eternal bliss and peace. I could certainly go for some of that right now but I think one of the conditions of entry is you have to have lived a good life. I know I haven't done that. Fine I threw my life away to protect things but I don't know if that makes up for all the lives I've ended and the blood I have spilled. I guess many of my victims led 'good' lives and will have found their 'better place' Hah! Imagine their faces if I suddenly walked in to paradise. But I don't think it will happen, somehow I think that whatever heavens might be out there are denied to the likes of me. I've often wondered about that, if I were to die, where would I end up. I never thought it would be here, I would have expected flames and screams, or maybe a skeleton in a black robe, but I was sure it wouldn't be 'heaven' I went to. Huh, I hate being right all the time, anyway I don't think Digimon go to heaven, good or bad I hear we just get reconfigured.

Reconfigured…? I'll be damned if I let that happen to me although I guess I'm already damned so it probably makes little difference really. I don't believe it though, the idea that no matter how much damage you take, whatever happens all Digimon will come back again seems like a myth, a child's fairy tale for those who cannot face the truth. No I do not believe and will not believe that, death is the end and perhaps that is how it should be.

I'm not sure if I am dead, wherever I might be right now is certainly not my home or the world of humans but this cannot be what I have to go through for all eternity, sitting here in this nowhere space contemplating my fate. There must be something else; I still have so much more I want to do. 

But maybe this is my fate, my destiny, maybe I was born or created or whatever to stop Oikawa and then die a heroic death sealing the black vortex…

I don't want it to end like this, I want to go home, and to have more adventures and do all the things that I used to take for granted. But now it seems as though both the black and white sides are closing in on me, crushing my heart and my will. Every evil deeds I have ever done comes flashing across my memories, a broadside attack of pain and an overwhelming sensation of regret hit me, bringing me to my knees. Regret I know I have done wrong but this isn't fair, I don't want it to end like this. 

And then the white light hits me, all the things I have ever done that have been good, the things I have protected for no reason other than I couldn't find it in my soul not to. And then my end, the look in the eyes of a child as I threw my life away to protect a world that I was never supposed to love. White light fills my vision, it is a strange feeling, pain, terror, ecstasy and a sense of peace I have never felt before. Damn it all I think I'm really dying…but I don't want to die, I am afraid, please don't let this be the end. And the voices…they will not let me go quietly.

"_Even now at the end you are still not sorry_"

"Sorry for what?"

"_For your cursed existence, all the pain you have brought_"

"I have no regrets"

"_All the lives you have ended_"

"I have no regrets" 

"_You will suffer for your crimes_"

"I have no regrets" Well maybe just one, that I'll never be able to see that smile again. What the hell am I on about, guess I'm just delusional and yet…And then my soul.

"_One…last…chance_"

And then the pain that lets me know I am still alive shoots through me. There is no justice in the world If I feel pain like this even after my life is over it is worse than any wound I have ever experienced, a pain that blasts right through my body and strait into my soul. It feels as if every limb has been set on fire, dipped in acid and then torn to pieces all at once, lousy metaphor I know but I cannot think straight, it is all I can do to stop myself breaking down from the agony. Memories come flooding back to me in snippets, a flower, a boy, and a figure who looks much like me.

The darkness and light merge together, creating what must pass for this place's equivalent of a rainbow, and is without a shadow of a doubt the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Beautiful and terrifying all at once, but it makes me think of hope, a hope for tomorrow, as my soul put it, one last chance.

And then I open my eyes, and I am still alive. 


	6. Angel of Darkness

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"Damnation" By Luke's Dragon

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A/N

…Strange really how things sometimes just run away with you isn't it? Anyway my feeling is "Damnation" has reached the end of its life, the whole idea was a slightly depressing look at darkness, redemption and finding your place in the world. Anyway I think that is just about done, throughout the course of this fic I think he has reached a place where "Damnation" isn't a suitable title anymore. So therefore this is going to be the last chapter of this fic. Thing is I really want to give it a happy ending, but I can't bring myself to do it, so I've gone for a sort of ambiguous ending, where it sorta finishes this but leaves it open to do another fic following on from this one…Kinda like "Star Wars" or something. If you enjoyed "Damnation" then check out "Brave New World" which is the follow up fic to this.

I'd also like to take this chance to thank everyone who has either reviewed or e-mailed or both (you know who you are) Thank you, it's because of people like you guys I didn't end at chapter 4.

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Disclaimer

Yeah, we all know it isn't mine…we do don't we?

Good

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Chapter IV – Angel of Darkness

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"That's what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence inside you that makes you want to believe that there still exists a right and wrong, that decency will somehow triumph in the end" ~ Lisa Hand  


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I am home. The events of the past few months blur into a hazy recollection of a memory. I am at peace, the voices that for so long had tortured my mind are silent and the physical wounds I bear have all but healed leaving not even the faintest trace of a scar. And still I cannot shake the unsettling feeling that something is deeply wrong. Although this place looks like home, and feels like it when the wind blows or the sun beats down on my back, there is something unsettlingly wrong about the place and I cannot put my finger on quite what it is.

I am alive though, and that is all I need to know, I have the gift of life and the chance to do whatever I see fit with that gift. I had wanted to find those children and help them out, even after the demise of Oikawa there is sure to be some new threat, but strangely enough no one I have asked knows anything about Oikawa, the dark vortex or the Digi-Destined. It is strange indeed, as are most of the Digimon, creatures I have never seen the likes of before wander around and the creature I expected to see are conspicuous by their absence. Yet I am sure this is the Digital World, I am positive that I know where I am. But everything has changed so much in such a short space of time, it seems all I have done is overcame on set of obstacles only to have another larger one placed in my path.

Though I should fell happy to be given another chance I am still confused. After everything I have been through it has come to this a sense of nothingness. So much wandering, so much pain and I feel as though I have gotten precisely nowhere at all. Sometimes I wonder why I have survived this long. But that is just a foolish thought, striking me in a moment of weakness, but I cannot help wondering if perhaps my freedom to do as I wish is just another way of trapping myself.

So what can I do now? I suppose the most accurate answer is anything I want to do…and there lies the rub I have nothing left that I wish to accomplice. For so long I defined myself by my search for answers and for my role in this world, after defeating Oikawa I do not feel as if there is anything left for me. Almost as if my life was scripted to end that day, and somehow my destiny has been altered and now I am just being swept along as though in a raging river.

No, I have fought too long and hard just to be swept along by the tides of destiny. I owe it to myself to do something with my life, no matter how long I have left, It doesn't really matter if it is days, weeks or years I must live, and live well. With the strength I was created with, and the soul that I have found along the way I must continue onwards. Forever onwards, and yet…and yet I feel so very alone.

Allies, Companions…Friends. When I think back that is actually what has made me come this far, maybe it is the Digi-Destined or Wargreymon or whoever, it has always been that little part of me inside that has told me to fight for the 'good guys.' Hell knows it would have been so much easier on me to have taken the Digi-Destined out on that very first day I was created, or sided with Oikawa at that final battle. But every time something inside of me made me say 'no.' 

Pride that I wouldn't obey someone weaker than me? Maybe at first but later, no I don't think so. 

The voices in my head…no because I don't think they could ever tell me something I don't already know.

So maybe it was my soul, or heart or conscience or whatever else you choose to call it…But I guess whatever isn't good enough something so important that it shapes so much of my life and the lives of so many other people deserves a name. So what would you call it? I don't know, but I know I have time to find out.

There is so much I want to find out, but I could certainly start by finding out just what the hell has happened to this world and why everything is so strange, and I suppose if I am honest with myself I would quite like to see his face again. 

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His face? Who?

You should know by now

I do not

Huh… All this time and I thought you knew me

…

After all, you are me, or at least a part of me

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…Of Course

Huh, Why do I feel as if I have been chasing shadows, the most important thing was always right in front of me.

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What?

No, if you don't know by now you never will

And so I am back to where I began, older and wiser, but still searching, always searching for the answers, and when I find them I know there will be more questions. But that is fine too, my purpose, if indeed anyone has such a thing is to find those answers.

And I will.


End file.
